Friday, November 13, 2009

Bouncing Off Walls

When we build personal walls because we have been hurt by our involvement in a relationship that failed or have been disappointed in love, we can block ourselves from receiving love and affection from others.

All relationships are an experiment. No one can guarantee that they will always come out well. We must ask ourselves this question. If we build defensive walls and refuse to let other people in, we block ourselves off from receiving love and affection. Is is worth doing that just to make sure that we will never get our feelings hurt or be disappointed by love again?

In this way, building personal walls does us more harm than good. Blocking connections with other people in order to prevent another hurt also blocks us from many good experiences. The many connections that can be made can help outweigh any negatives.

Resilience is a factor that is found in people who survive difficulties. If you feel defeated, you will be. If you feel that there are solutions and that you will rebound, you will. Resilience refers to our ability to bounce back in every area of life. People who start a business that fails and go on to start a second one that succeeds are resilient people. People who are divorced or have a long term relationship end but get out, meet people and become involved with others again, are demonstrating resilience.

Instead of picturing a wall around your heart, around your self, try this. Imagine an egg shaped ball of energy surrounding you. Create it so that positive feelings and ideas can come through to you and that negative ones bounce off.

When you have connections to others, you have a support system. When you close yourself off, difficult people may not be able to get close, but then neither will new friends, new lovers, new acquaintances.

An energy shield like the eggshell is permeable, so that you can both defend against the negative and be open to receiving the positive.

Building personal walls may seem like a good defense, but it may end up hurting you more than helping you. Being able to feel helps us become more resilient, better able to respond, better able to not just survive, but prosper.

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