Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Alchemy of Opposites

Do opposite attract? Yes, but they do not last long. What is really best in a relationship is when like attracts like. Maybe for a little spice, same, with some differences.

Many people who embrace the concept of past lives and reincarnation look to this to explain why we are strongly drawn to, or strongly repelled by someone we just met. Sometimes that is the only way to explain a magical sort of feeling of immediate familiarity. There are millions of people for us to connect with, and so the question naturally arises when we sense such a connection. There may be a karmic relationship to play out. But there are other factors as well.

When the good girl goes for the bad boy, is she just taking a little walk on the wild side and then she will retreat after a brief interlude? Or is she really revealing what she wants, and she is ready to shed that outer layer and reveal the inner adventuress?

When the guy pretends to be interested in the same things as the girl because he finds her attractive and wants to get closer, will he be able to sustain his interest in this new subject or activity? Or will he revert to his normal tastes?

The same question, of course, applies in reverse. If one person gives up an activity that they really enjoy in order to get along better with their prospective partner, will they be happy? Of course, an alternative solution is that both have some free time to enjoy those things they really like, but are not equally appreciated by their partner. This gives each a little breathing room. This is why some couples are more closely tied together than others. They just have more breathing room.

Sometimes opposites attract simply because people like to explore what people not like themselves are like and having some differences can make them more interesting to each other. Overall, they must be more alike than different or it cannot be a match.

What I call the X factor is critical, because when you take the reverse approach as many dating services do, and you make this big checklist, and have them match, yet when you meet in person, there is no chemistry at all, no X factor. When you have X factor, lots of ground can be covered quickly.

The energy of finding someone who really has a lot of feeling for you and enjoys many of the same things as you forms a powerful synergy. Two people moving in the same direction can get a lot of traction as they move toward their dreams.

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